Af Daniel Fensbo
He seemed alone with taste, feeling hearing and sight. The flat looked as if there was an eerie light of dark memories were it happened. Dani was remembering the four shadows, feeding on his nourishing light of being. He looked around the living room, which made him think, that this body should he possess, with the wolf in his soul. How ironic to be called a living room in his case. His flat looked as an old building, with wooden floors and a kitchen, which could have over due it’s life time. The bedroom where it happened, seemed old from long ago, an water closet out in the even older staircase. It made him think was this true or an illusion? He found himself having a sad, scary illumination of his young and old soul. People made them think less evil of his being, which was not the case in his history of what happened. The faces and feeling of them lingered on in his head, conclusion of their suspicion. The sure marks on his body, unchangeable still, pushing, pressing fed on his light, growing in proportion, with the vineyard growing in synchronicity with his soul ,taste, feeling, hearing and sight. Only the awareness of his very presence,made him sick of disgust. That mature in time his powers, their surprise of what he could accomplish, made him stronger, made him stronger of what mind the supernatural dark in his eyes. The thing that did happened, roamed his head, lacking his concentration. Still the blowing of cubes helped both on his hangovers and the hurting in his soul. He was happy though his old friend Josephine was filling his life with her beauty and scent, a happiness that didn’t lasted long oh what a prize to pay again. His mother lived at these times he would remember when life was still young and mature, his own death survived three times, people wondering why was he still alive? When death had crossed his path before and love was still alive in his memory. Those who lived and reckoned the life he had lived, was few. He managed both decay and empowerment, with the rotten flesh and growing vineyard in his Eden. Reading in the subject of which his life had turned, relevant of his condition, lot it mattered, he could relate to. Only the experience before finding the answer. His eerie illumination made some scared of him, he had to insure them the danger was smaller than the feeling. He even managed to fast high movements, that could look as if he was teleportate, faster than the eye could register. The one of the kings of heavens made it clear it was forbidden to do that, he thought to him self it was one of the five kings of magic. When he dined only the thought of their precious life of his eloquent tongue feeding, some received with their mind. Heal them with an glimpse of an eye or the split of his tongue could do it. In time his own father and some people could understand his insane behavior. The unchangeable truth was written in his skin.
In his near death experiences got unbelievable, yet happened had happened. In his ascending to heavens, first only his conscience yelling in black nothing. Dani thought to himself: why am I shouting there is nobody, nothing. He made a decision to look inwards, in his very soul, got sucked up by a ray of light. He got his body back, but young again naked. Following a lot of people, a special black haired woman attracted him. First they should cross a bridge, a lot like him, beauty everywhere, in the distance saw a great city and a gate apparently the goal was in sight. Disappointed, two soldiers armored was dragging him back in both arms. Woke up in the hospital with a tube in his throat and a catheter in his penis, in his euphoria he flirted with the nurses shouting: He’s awake! Get the doctor. Two thought in mind need of urinating the other was in very need of nicotine. His unquentible thirst for lifetimes ago and the hunger for the unbelievable occult, wondering who would believe his story? His wishes made as a child his wishes was fulfilled, the one wish that he could live without food and got nourishment from only drinking, he was closer to his goal. The other wish was made in half truth half sarcastic tone, that he would outlive other people’s grand grand grand children. Be careful what he had made, his reality turned out the old promises came true. The things that actually happened, few people knew the transition of this dark in his heart and unchangeable blackness in his eyes, along with the sure marks on his skin. Told the truth of his scary eerie, gloomy presence. Few knew his secret of his unnatural life, others chose to believe, the lies of what they thought was alive right in front of them untrue prophecies. The ritual filled his body with divine light, a black figure gave him the choice between lust and power and the calm love light. He felt only the power of night and the knowledge of dark and then he kneeled and showed the calm love of light and love. He couldn’t decide which choice to make, then made a choice for him. His taste of rotten dry flesh lying in the grave and at the same time hard abuse of drugs. He couldn’t find the source of the smell and then the dark, red and blond, dressed like black beauty of the night, turned to monsters with grim angry faces. Hypnotizing made him dull of the senses in trance like dream. A balled master dressed in black cloak, gnawing in his heart sounded like heavy drums, was privilegded to the first blood. Awakened by hurting in his heart, realized it was his own heart beating. Dani flew up by the window in stretching pain, heard a woman scream in horror, on the other side of another building. Gracefully floating down beside the bed. Air was nothing not an obstacle. Hurried into the living room half dead and grabbed something to drink. Next day he found his senses so high and no distance between room or humans, as if they were transparent from inside him only they gave a thought he could taste, feel and see them. A wolf appeared before his eyes that would be his guest for infinite period of time, became him like it obsessed his soul. Hearing humans was something that stuck a needle in his mind their speech would hurt his brain literally. Still his thoughts remembered the agonizing feeling of the brains rubbing each other like a drill or destroying a stone with another stone. His great fears was a fantasy of a whole world crushed a tiny corn dust, with it’s weight. The great master came the next day as he had been showering and made him presentable. The words was spoken I condemn you to eternal life of hunger for living blood, this may seem as an cliché, but the words stuck in him like a spear of nothingness and hunger was penetrating his soul. The days thereafter seemed like torture and hurting the ones that would send their thought’s would be hurt if he made a false move automatically, like showing teeth or he lit his cigarette. Their burned skin and hair he could smell only the loneliness was with him.
His mother Debora encouraged him to study as much as possible Learned him peace of mind, through her knowledge of magic, floating over ground made him relax and happy.. Light and dark sorcery it was natural it seemed, since nature is nor evil or good. Dani studied the old knowledge and wisdom of the gods and astrology. Immense and tenacity intense and thorough prayer he found it was no laughing matter, Dani’s inner heart was at stake along his soul and body. Rituals made with such precise and humidity, seriously reality became at times overwhelming life of appreciation and heavy burden. Beautiful but cruel and amazing life he would turn to, reality. Learned the pain of sorrow with so many dead, both his best friend John, his mother Debora and a number of lovers. Wept by the loneliness it chose to his own solitary. Alone in the cold world that couldn’t understand his sensitive nature would have the wrong impression of intelligence. Moved to an asylum at a sanitarium, found ghost’s within his keep gave him company of the old times told which he couldn’t know anyway. His great attraction of an understanding blonde woman.
Made him crave for the hunger for lifetimes ago to come further they starved for each others flesh and sex. Her marked chin and appropriate blonde hair always wearing green shirt and blue jeans. Asking him why are you sucking up to me you got me already. Although several lived there they didn’t mind their accusing misbehavior of the rules. Owls howling catching mice, squirrels playing in the trees, bats find their nest under the rooftop. He was one morning sleeping head down feet on the ceiling. The house keep came barging in found him resting like a bat unnatural of course, she came just to say breakfast was ready poor woman. Made a screaming posture only the body language with no sound of the posture. Other inmates found out the beauty of the blonde Jeanette was spending the night with him made no complaints as she winked with one eye at him. The advices his mother spoke of was sometimes echoing in his soul. Be careful what you think, says and do others will know it and so will you, my little vampire. Her words was half caring half serious, the illusion of reality could be changed through speech, like saying a contorted word could be received as something else. The vocabulary may be resourceful if he would make his opinion be taken seriously. He was also told that at times he were pretty handsome and too handsome, when he got overwhelmed with attention. Read it was the most beautiful that the blood drinkers choose, because of the insult of man and the greatest insult of god. His inner vision of himself could look as ugly as he felt. His father when angry at him, told he could be so cold and evil, not at all suitable for him. Colors had also an important part in his life , bright was positive and helpful, yellow was attractive and false, purple was spiritual guidance, green was intelligent growth or envy, red was negative and intense, black was mysterious and appealing luring. Blue was childish color of god and pawed new ways. Hearing sound and taste was his main qualities of the senses, squeeking in his head meant something he shouldn’t think or do, then things went wrong if he ignore the squeeking. A heavenly bell of biological sound, when people missed him or asking for his company. Feeling and sight also shifted the ways followed each other, first feeling then sight. Felt like reading minds or psychic powers and foresight Folks reaction, he could figure out, from his senses. Felt like thoughts or feel them on his body. The others on psychiatric, called it hyper sensitive, with no filter in his body.
Other blood drinkers thought he was only human tried to wash him until they realized he was an alpha male, fled in the night like ghosts. Other who were ranking as his equals wished him congratulations on his birthday. He was fond of the nature, he liked walking in the woods as usual, found a dead deer, remembered that there was a rumor going on that a wolf was at large. Very appreciated he had Jeanette, glad to get some what called love, licking up her juices every time he wanted. Her taste was no longer than a thought away, the one who made him truly happy. Felt like a magnet which he licked her skin or was it blood through skin? Her erogene zones got him up to excitement. A true beauty in his eyes beckoned her to hold their relationship together, because of the law could cost her the job. Finally she couldn’t keep it a secret any more, tuff heart brake was inevitable. After his mothers death in great sorrow, he drowned in vodka and beer, paid women when he wanted false love or sex. The money was a temporarily bandage of the wound of sorrow, then in great hunger for acknowledgement, he picked up everyone he could find for his own hole to filling it up with satisfaction. The rituals made with intensity and humidity, both for his wellbeing and with no way back to blissful ignorance. Humans had no high expectations from him, still he surprised with intelligence. Being with talent of writing, drawing, painting, making music and in the gift of art, made with such smooth on the eye and hurt. Dani went to rehabilitation several times, yet he went forth and back to his addiction. He got a feeling of loneliness, too great for him to manage. His own death survived three times when told his story, people couldn’t relate because he still was walking with earthly feet.
Dani’s inexhaustible thirst for the pleasure of the mysterious life, he was at the same time shy, what the opposite sex concerned. Maybe too deep his inner manner held him back, with his boyish look, could slow him down. Eccentric in his way of life, made others jealous or envy, could turn to hatred. Although tried to impress others, could have the 180 degrees effect. Dani had to have eccess or surplus to have the energy, to overcome their hurtful comments. Began to miss Jeanette’s touch and taste, feeling her curves, lush delicious, sweet taste of moist juices. Got too far in his search for the secrets of his life, against the grain of mundane public life. Insecure swimming in murky waters, send him to psychiatric hospital, where he denied the gravity, for more to come. Others had to pretend it was wrong with him, when they use fear to be afraid not afraid of him lying to themselves. Justification, confirmation, consolating, he was almost transparent his heart got exhumed with form or like a balloon blown out noticed his teeth like controlling them as limbs having their own movement. Made light with left arm, dark with right. Woman with the right side of the brain, men’s on the left. Upper lip women, under lip men. Decided color with his mind what would happen next. Scratched left cheek needed men’s kindness, right cheek women’s passion. Rub left eye something had been through, rub right eye see them as a partner. A red blush of the forehead horizontal women, transcendal men. Sucking on her breast preternatural blonde, when he got much more red and black was dulling him with firm hunger although their teachings was imprinted on in him. Their volumous of knowledge and even satisfaction of the new world had sprung up in his being, was filled to the brim.
In his face a heavy statue like look. In psychiatric hospital had a god obsession in himself. Choose people and way of being,
their feelings, person. What was going to happen next day, he would decide. Some may say” this did not just happen” It shouldn’t exist” He couldn’t cope to have any conscience, wanted to sleep most of time. He also enjoyed his memory when people cared and got misused of medicine. Attracted a lot of people, their thought’s he would remember. He was stunned to find out his dreams were true movement of his mother and him, remembered they had the same experience, only one person had the third memory. Hearing his mother from the other room help me with this fat ass. They were hanging people up on hooks and the blood was filling big vessels of blood, either in tree or metal. Dwelled in a feeling of been poured down blood in his throat. Another had the same experience accusing him and his mother for genocide. The voices as they called them, were not to find in their minds it only happened to him.
Like the old saying as above, so below as within so without, harm none do what ye will. His life was not for the fragile mind’s, it took faith, engagement, courage, concentration and imagination, but free of fantasy. Seeing his own soul grow as an particle, called human god given, the old saying from god: Help yourself but also got help from above, some people couldn’t understand, some just said “ nice” others thought I was mental illness. His actions made him perfectionist, but also made him see the flaws in his perfectionism. Like attracts like. His things and possession had attracted each other, some of them had it’s way of finding it’s way back. Like cold water had a thinner sound, cold water made the skin pull together and warm expand. Like warmth had more smell if you smelled a dumpster on a warm summer and cold isolated smell.
Remembered his mothers old saying and advise she said: “if you can figure out the end of the day you will live forever Dani”. She used to speak of the devil and the occult like: “ when it rains and sunshine at the same time it is the devil who’s drying his clothes”. When Dani had déjà-vu he thought and in sentimental melancholy mourned his mothers death and turned the words philosophical his mothers advise. Although She wouldn’t wish anybody even their worst enemies, turn to ghost’s, it was the fate no one wanted. She also spoke of the devil, when you are getting tired in the church it is him trying to rock you to sleep and not hear the words of god. The abilities long experimented play with the mind and perception. Candles had an affect part to play. When quenching his eyes at a candle light would appear behind his eyes, which could escape the dark behind his eyes. In his mind the dark, would bring negative thoughts of men and bright women.
Wound up with drunks and people doing drugs, but he chose to make a difference, “ this time I can make it out of this low life”. His will and perseverance he would upgrade every time he went to psychiatric hospital, harvest endurance. But it didn’t happened over night it was not healing of an broken bone. Found a woman who’s mother also died, which he thought actually helped him from the dirt of his mothers death. She was drinking and smoking too much, Dani found out she was lying, stealing and slept around. Decided that he wanted a better life, although she helped him in his sorrow, she was still in his heart. Obvious he was have to make a life changing choice, Dani had to take a serious look on his life to if he wanted change and break his old habits. First he had to have another way of thinking and have to build his life up from the ground again. Dani’s self esteem would grow, if he saw his own accomplishments and qualities. Acknowledgements.
Dani’s body he had thought about the different people at certain places on him, like fingers and hands left and right. Right hand was man’s and left was women, when it came down to age, the thumb was old people. The index finger was young, then came mature and the was teenagers. Little finger was children. On the opposite hand was the same but women. Touch from distance example on their shoulder was a surprising reaction of the thought. The amount of feelings and word how strong willed it affected others, the various meaning of the complex life as someone actually touched them. Some people responded to his feelings as they could feel the mood as a person aura, if they were happy or angry, sad nervous, mellow down to earth a calming mood or anxious, scared, suspicious, uneasy, sensation and intuition. Figured out day’s had their themes, Feel dreams as a special feeling the next day it would happened and turn out.
His throat was refreshed by the beauty of the different species, of sometime been like poured down his inner, that would full all day. When sleeping flew often up or into the cupboard, when his friend, was there, denying the gravity to his own surprise in sleep. She used to say that was ghost’s in his keep. Drawing pictured humans found repulsing. Like his being of presence, sight would warn them of possible danger, no good. Fate was now ceiled from the young man walking with the shadows, once first entering his first home though he had many before. A traveler he may be called if not Nosferatu Dracula as they wondered through his life.
Going through his memory made magic, which he was fortunate to accomplish. Felt as he dreamed, dreamed as he felt. Meeting his company fairies did wear boots with wing in any color, elves with a hole in the back. Getting ready for war he was told. The monsters army ahead , thought of the elves and fairies brothers in arms. Asked the elf if he could stick his hand in her back, just to know if there really was a hole in her back. She chuckled and let her long hair make room for the hole. His hand was inside her, although like grabbing nothing, impressed he smiled at her and gave gratitude to her. He showed his abilities as soon as Demons and devils appeared. As he had his bloodlust gave through to his fascination of the creature. Night time howling at his opponents, as he saw his elves and fairies stood by him. Understood he might never come back to his family what was left of them and his friend. They told him it really happened, but not one of his kind didn’t suit them fairies no more than elves, as he had been told all his life the vampire he descend from. Getting ready for what’s to come their abilities, vices and virtue fore comes and outcome for his actions. Well armored beside his advantage of his ancestors. Their teaching in sorcery and magic, he met, crushing through hordes.
A waste land burning and smoking, he was gasping for air in a blood rush the destruction desperately looking around searching. Came to an ancient temple of which the demons and devils hold dear for have what they protected. Slowly got this conscience back, he was told he couldn’t see anything, but awoke in sunshine. Heard a choir heavenly singing “in the halls of the gods”.